Mood: caffeinated
Topic: Evil Things
Dear Starbucks: I'm mostly a very loyal girl, but it turns out that in your particular instance, I'm one fickle bitch. As recently as last week I was singing your praises to everyone who would listen, but today I'm leaving you. Oh, maybe I'll stop in for a quickie now and again, but I've replaced you, and you won't be seeing much of me anymore.
After a few days of playing around in my kitchen, I've perfected a homemade latte recipe and can reliably produce a lowfat latte which made both my husband and my daughter, in independent taste tests, say Damn! and drain what was left in my cup. That makes them evil, evil people who only claim to love me, but they did corroborate my belief that I had come up with a rather brilliant cup of coffee.
Better yet, I have done calculations of the out-of-pocket costs and determined that the stuff I make at home costs $0.36 per cup versus the $3.45 I've been paying at Starbucks, plus I don't even have to tip myself unless I've given really, really good service. So, Starbucks? I mean this in the nicest possible way, but fuck off.
Because I have a generous spirit, and also because I am a bit startled to realize the full extent of the anal rape I have been undergoing at the hands of Starbucks these past months, here is the recipe, for which you will need a Senseo or an espresso machine, a microwave, and one of those whirly twirly milk frothing thingies:
Big Latte
2 shots espresso
3/4 cup lowfat or nonfat milk (lowfat froths better)
While espresso brews, pour milk into 2 cup Pyrex measuring cup and microwave on full power for 60 seconds. Empty espresso into a large latte mug. Froth milk with the whirly twirly thing until, well, frothy. Pour atop espresso. Admire the esthetically pleasing blend of brown espresso foam and white milk foam. Laugh like hell at the $3.09 you did not just spend at Starbucks. Repeat as it may please you.
Posted by Gretchen
at 1:21 PM PDT