Matt Leaves A Floater.
Mood:  smelly
Topic: Poop
Last night while getting the boys ready for their bath, I noticed that Matt smelled like he had a poop. Ben went off to change him while I ran the bath and put Sam in. When he came back, Ben said, "Well, it could have been worse, right? He could have done it in the tub."

Surely you see where this is going.

The boys had a great time playing in the tub, and I was thinking about starting to wash their hair when it happened -- the brown explosion in the water. Sam leapt to his feet. "Mom! Poop!" And I don't mean just any poop, either. It was a bad one, the opposite of small, the opposite of firm and compact, the opposite of odorless. And let's just say it was clear they'd fed him mixed vegetables at day care. I started to gag.

I hustled the boys out of the tub -- fortunately Matt had blasted in the direction opposite Sam, so they were both surprisingly unmuddied -- and into the bedroom. Poor Ben was left with the task of cleaning up the tub.

After the boys were dressed, Sam said "I've got to tell Erika." (The boys take their bath in Erika's bathroom.) "No, Sam," I told him. "She doesn't need to know." Apparently Sam disagreed, because he stuck his head down the stairwell and yelled "Erika! Matt took a dump in your bathtub with corn and carrots!"

It took poor Ben about 20 minutes to clean up. Did I mention there is a "shag" bath mat in that tub? He said cleaning that was the worst part. And he could still smell poop an hour after finishing it up. And then he came downstairs and had a diet Coke, and he put some vodka in it, and who could blame him? I wasn't saying a word. I was grateful to have been spared the cleanup.

And probably he will never let the boys take a bath again, and if they do? And there's an accident? Guess whose turn it is for poop detail.

And thus the poop saga continues . . .