Would You Like A Tantrum With That?
Mood:  happy
Topic: Matt
It's become quite clear to me that we aren't going to be able to eat out anywhere but Chuck E. Cheese for the next five years or so. In fact, three nights ago I vowed that we would never again leave the house.

We took the kids to Stride Rite for another appallingly expensive round of new shoes. Afterward, we cast about for someplace to eat. Someplace without white tablecloths, a kid-friendly place. We settled on Ruby's.

When we tried to place him in a high chair, Matt had an utter meltdown. He screamed like we were boiling him in oil. Wouldn't let me hold him. Wouldn't take a bottle. Wouldn't eat the crackers or play with the toy the manager rushed over to give him. I carried him outside briefly, but the minute we went back in, he erupted into howls of rage.

I was able to get him to shut up for a while by letting him stand next to me on our seat in the booth, but this was problematic as he grabbed for every item on or near the table. And if I tried to stop him? he howled anew.

What did Matthew want? Matthew wanted to walk around. I've written before about Matt's insistence on freedom and his absolute fury when restrained. That high chair felt like a cage to him. He felt he had an unbridled right to go where he pleased and touch what he wanted, and when we tried to infringe on that right, he screamed with the loudest and, to him, most righteous anger.

So we did the tag team thing. Ben took Matt out into the mall and let him walk around while I scarfed down my salad, then I took Matt out into the mall and let him walk around while Ben scarfed down his fish tacos. Was the food any good? Don't know. Didn't notice.

But you want to know the funny part? Today I met my husband for lunch in the middle of the work day. We went to El Torito, one of our familiar old haunts. There were no children with us. No one was screaming or struggling. And you know what? I was almost bored. I wasn't sure what to do with my hands. I tried reading the newspaper, but found that the 'Net has completely ruined this for me. People, did you know this? The newspaper is full of news from, like, yesterday. It's so half an hour ago. And I found myself wishing the kids were there, as I usually do when I'm not with them.

So, Chuck E. Cheese it is: the only place louder than Matt. Bad food and Bud Light. See you there. I'll be the one chasing the stubborn toddler all over the room.