Bitten By The Zappos Bug.
Mood:  mischievious
Topic: Evil Things
An evil, evil woman turned me on to Zappos not so very long ago. She might as well have introduced me to heroin. Leigh talks about getting drunk and buying shoes online, but I am completely fucking sober, yet it is 2:20 a.m. on a Friday and I have just finished yet another goddamned Zappos shopping session.

Those fuckers. You buy from them once, and they start lurking about your e-mailbox like drug pushers hanging around down by the high school. NOVEMBER CLEARANCE SHOE SALE! sings the message, and like a total fucking idiot I open the message, and click on the link, and the next thing you know I am salivating over a pair of butterfly-embossed flats which I absolutely do not need, but which nonetheless I suddenly absolutely must possess. GODDAMMIT, THIS IS A SICKNESS. I need help.

I don't go completely nuts, of course. I have a strict policy against lying to my husband about money, although I will cop to sometimes keeping things on a need-to-know basis, like so:

Ben: Your hair looks great. Was that, um, really expensive?

Me: Well, you know, it didn't shock the conscience or anything.

You see? When in doubt, equivocate. And always buy on sale! Because then you have an additional argument on your side, that being But honey, they were on sale. Seventy-five percent off! Can you imagine? I got a $100 pair of shoes for $25. At which point Ben will say Wow. I guess you had to buy them. Which is precisely what I want him to think, despite the glaringly obvious fact that you know what would have been even cheaper? Not to buy the goddamned shoes in the first place.

Anyway, I managed to escape for under $80 this time, but just barely, although yay! Free shipping, which is yet another enticement and further proof that Zappos is as evil and insidious as any playground pusher. Good Christ, they are clever.

So there is yet another Zappos box on its way to my address. I rationalize it by saying I'm going to give these shoes as Christmas gifts. Can I help it if I wear a seven medium, a size worn by a large percentage of the population? So it remains to be seen how many pairs of shoes will end up under a Christmas tree, or how many will end up under a Christmas tree other than mine, and how many will bypass the Christmas tree altogether and go directly from the box onto my feet.

Leigh: You are evil. Zappos: You are EVIL INCARNATE.