Mmmm, Toasty.
Mood:  on fire
Topic: The Tao of Ben
My husband bought me a new toaster at Target on Sunday morning. Because my 45th birthday is next weekend. And that present -- that toaster -- makes me smile, because it's a tidy capsule of my life at this moment, this hectic mommyish life of mine.

I understand that some girls wouldn't accept a mere toaster as a birthday present. Lots of girls require their men to work a hell of a lot harder than that: It must be thrilling, and it must be a surprise, and it must be well planned and thought out ahead of time, and he shouldn't have to ask what you want, he should magically know, and the only question he should need to ask is One carat or two? But I find that doesn't work all that well in the real world, when dealing with real men. The only thing a man will think out and plan ahead of time is a Super Bowl party or a clandestine affair. When it comes to birthday presents, we should count ourselves lucky if they remember our birthday. Or that they are married. To us, I mean.

So I don't burden Ben with a whole lot of expectations, because I find that expectations get you in trouble. As Douglas Adams wrote, A life burdened with expectations is a heavy life. Its fruits are sorrow and disappointment. Would you like to achieve inner peace? Let go of your expectations. Now that I think of it, this is sort of a gritty form of Buddhism.

But back to the toaster. It may seem like a shabby birthday present to you, but not really. Because Ben is cheap and doesn't think we need a new toaster, but the toaster we have (had!) is infinitely infuriating. You push the handle down and it doesn't stay pushed down. It leaves the toast either frozen or nuked to cinders -- and no, adjusting the little dial does nothing to relieve this. If anything, it muddies the waters. That toaster, indirectly, has taught my sons more cuss words than fifty playground smartasses.

So Ben didn't want to get a new toaster. But he let me pick out a new toaster. Oh, I had to research it in Consumer Reports and get it on price cut and buy it in the pedestrian white color instead of the swoopy red color, but I have a new toaster. This is worth so much more to me than diamonds or a boob job.

And also, of course, because Ben has already given me the best present a girl could ever want. And three little presents to go with that. I'm hardly entitled to complain.