Taking Control.
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: Rants
You want to know the worst thing about being the only female in a houseful of males? Well, the gaseous emissions, true. But also, just try getting your hands on the remote control.

Ben, in particular, is proprietary about the remote. At nights we sleep with the bedroom TV on all night, with the reminders he has set popping up periodically to remind him that some black-and-white war flick from the '40s is coming on at 3 a.m. He just can't control himself, you see. A chronic insomniac, he can't seem to get it through his head that if he would just roll over and close his eyes instead of compulsively flicking through all 400 channels, perhaps he'd be able to sleep at nights. When he does fall asleep, it's with the remote control gripped in his left hand, and if I awaken in the night and take the remote, he will half-wake, grabbing for it and panicking a bit to not find it there. You'd be less upset if you woke up and found your dick missing, I told him once. I wasn't really kidding.

It truly pains Ben when I've got hold of the remote. This morning he had an early court appearance so was up when I was, flicking through channels and generally getting underfoot. Which woke up the kids, so I picked up the remote to tune in an on-demand Blue's Clues episode. Ben, on his way into the shower, paused in the doorway. Hit play, he instructed me. And turn the volume down. Keep it at level 2. I turned to him and said Will you quit freaking supervising me and get in the shower already? You see? He just can't stand it.

What is it about men and the remote control? His sons are already picking up on it; Matt periodically picks up the various remotes, one after another, and tries them out on various appliances in the room, and on me, seeing if he can turn me off. It will be nice to have another female in the house. Let the three boys fight each other for the remote.