Public Service Announcement.
Mood:  bright
Topic: Pregnancy
To everyone who stared at my belly today (and yesterday, and last week) with their mouths hanging open:

Yes, I'm pregnant! That's right. Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant! Yes, that's why my belly is so big. Wow! You figured that out by yourself? Yes, I sure am pregnant, and guess what? I'm going to get a whole lot more pregnant before I'm done. In fact, I've got a whole bag of pregnant with your name on it! All for your staring at my belly with your mouth hanging open like an idiot pleasure!

Yes, I sure am big. Thanks! No, it's not twins. Yes, we're sure! Yes, they checked! Thanks! By the way, is that half a roll of Tums in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me? I mean, as long as we are talking so personally about what bits of us are big.

Yes, it's a girl. Yes, we were sure ready for a girl after two little boys! Thanks! Yes, mmhmm, they sure are energetic. Thanks! We hadn't noticed! No, we don't watch Nanny 911. Do you watch Richard Simmons? 'Cause your big fat ass sure could use some help! Thank you!

Yes, Daddy's been a busy boy. You're right -- we sure do have our hands full! Wow, you're right! We sure are old to be having kids! No, we didn't need medical help to get pregnant! Did you have medical help getting those boobs? I'm just asking! 'Cause they sure are lopsided! And by the way, if you light that cigarette before I get upwind of you, I'm going to shove your Zippo up your . . . Thank you.

If, on the other hand, you want to smile at us and tell us we've got beautiful kids and congratulate us that a new one's coming: Thanks. We enjoy them. And you enjoy your Sunday afternoon.