I Hope Their Babies Pee All Over Them.
Mood:  lazy
Topic: Pregnancy
My office building circulated a memo earlier this week indicating they were about to remodel the lobby of the seventh floor, which as you may have guessed is the floor on which I work. Rock, I thought. Until I read the fine print on the memo, which indicated that the restrooms on the seventh floor would be included in the remodeling process, which would take six to eight weeks (translation: three to eleven months), during which time seventh floor tenants would be required to use restrooms on other floors.

Whatever. Right? Except for the fact that 28.5% of the full-time female employees in my office are pregnant. Well, okay, there are only seven of us. But two of us are pregnant, and if you've ever had a tenant in your uterus, you know what that involves: Peeing. Lots and lots of peeing.

Honestly, I'm all about progress. I think the remodel is a wonderful idea, but it only began this morning and already it's clear that the guys doing the work are evil, evil people. They showed up at 7:30 a.m., gutted and disabled the women's restroom, then left and haven't been seen since.

I hereby place the following hoodoo upon those guys: I HOPE YOUR WIVES GET PREGNANT AND HORMONAL AND MAKE YOUR LIVES A LIVING HELL AND INSIST ON STOPPING TO PEE EVERY SEVEN MINUTES WHENEVER YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE. I HOPE YOUR BABIES' DIAPERS LEAK BADLY EVERY TIME YOU HOLD THEM. I HOPE THEIR POOP SMELLS WORSE THAN KERN COUNTY. AND I MEAN THIS IN THE SINCEREST AND MOST LITERAL WAY. HAVE A NICE WEEKEND, ASSHOLES.

I hope you, on the other hand, have a truly good weekend.