Dawn Patrol.
Mood:  happy
If April is the cruelest month, then six a.m. is the cruelest hour. Six a.m.: I hate you. Four or five a.m., if I happen to be awake at one of those times, are not so bad, because I can snuggle fiercely down and think At least I can still go back to sleep for a while. On weekdays, though, six a.m. is the moment of truth. I'm actually a morning person, and by seven a.m. I am fairly happy and chipper about the whole thing. But at six, all I can do is stumble to the bathroom and squint into the mirror while my entire mind and body are wailing No no no no no no no no no.

What makes it even harder is our sleeping arrangement. My husband and I share a king-sized bed with our two young sons. Some call this practice "cosleeping" or "the family bed", but I call it "If you think I'm getting up and walking down the hall fifty times a night because one of these kids wants a drink or a hug or a dose of Motrin, you've got another think coming."

My sleeping partner is Matthew, whom I'm still nursing, and what a sleeping partner he is. Cuddly? Forget about it. We spend most of the night lying on our sides, belly to belly, me with a hand scooped around his adorable little butt, and him with a boobie in his mouth. My husband assures me that every man on earth would like to sleep that way with someone, night after night, if only they could find a woman willing to let them get away with it.

Matt likes dawn patrol for nursing, so usually I am awakened not by an alarm clock, but by a small warm mouth rooting around on me. So I shut off the alarm so it won't cruelly interrupt us, scoop my hand around that precious little butt, and nurse away in the dawn light. Gradually he drifts back off to sleep, and the numbers on the clock march inexorably around to the dreaded six a.m., and it's time to tear myself away.

And I do mean tear, because as I slide away from Matt, his mouth comes off my boobie with an audible pop, and I get on my feet to yawn and stretch and wish desperately for Saturday, leaving warm little Matt in the bed.

And it's much later in the morning, and I've had my cup of caffeine-rich Lifeboat Tea (love you, Royal Navy!), and I'm resigned to another workday, but a part of my mind keeps turning back to my warm bed and my sweet nursling. Love ya, honey. Always will.