I Would Sleep With This Man For A Vacuum Cleaner.
Mood:  party time!
Topic: Evil Things
This is, of course, James Dyson, the guy who developed the famous and extremely expensive Dyson vacuum cleaner. Ben has told me I absolutely can't have a Dyson, probably mostly because I never vacuum except in emergencies; our house is cleaned every two weeks by hired Polacks who probably don't have a goddamned Dyson, either. I recently found myself discussing with a friend the concept of getting an expensive vacuum cleaner by offering erotic favors to its inventor, and the more I think about it, the more the idea grows on me.

In fact, in the elevator at work today two men were discussing, of all things, vacuum cleaners; and as a further coincidence, I heard one of them mention that he had a Dyson and they are great. Stealing a sidelong glance, I ascertained that the guy who had spoken looked, by further coincidence, a bit like James Dyson. I briefly entertained the idea of offering to sleep with him in exchange for his Dyson, but restrained myself. The notion was, after all, ridiculous. Sex with a stranger for a used vacuum cleaner? It'd have to be a new one.

It's the geek thing, of course. I've already mentioned my big geeky crush on a National Weather Service guy I've never laid eyes on, and the whole scientist thing is inexplicably attractive to me; since my earliest memory, I have thought guys in white lab coats were hot. (Oddly enough, I only dated one science major in my day, and my main memory of him is that he spent a year doing research at the Amundsen-Scott base at the South Pole, and I tried to persuade him to bring me back a penguin, which I proposed to keep in the freezer. I never got my fucking penguin.)

James Dyson is an ubergeek, a geek's geek. I hate to say this, but I'd do him. Which may go a long way toward explaining the Elvis Costello thing. And a whole lot of other things.

P.S. to Still Bill, if you are looking on: This is not meant to be a personal confession. You are my absolute favorite mad scientist on earth, but the truth is I never got my mind out of your roommate's trousers long enough to think about much else, in those days.